On culinary hankerings

Alright, so I suppose the bandwagon we jumped on wasn't an express route: it stops at all the local watering holes! So, that means we are on to a slow start - one musing a week - we'll get better. It's a steep learning curve, my economics friend tells me.

So, the context for this post: Vancouver, cloudy. Apartment, steamy. Music, Jimmy Eat World's "Last Christmas" (yes, we are listening to the O.C.'s Chrismukkah album. People, people, there's no shame in that). Sima, blogging. Jonathan, intellectual stimulation a la paper writing. Not too much going on at Oak and 12th. So far we've managed to have 4 cups of tea (that's 2 each), watch an episode each of Family Guy and The Office, try out our new rainshower shower head, stick metal rods into our now-receiving-affectionate-attention-since-
it-started-to-crawl-up-through-our-venetian-blinds plant, in order to get it to curl around something more practical, and that gets us to about 3:00 pm.

Time for a rant. No day is complete without a good ol' verbal tirade. So here it goes. Vancouver and its damn Safeways. Don't get me wrong; I like the West Coast. I like the mountains, the varied plant life, the gentle chilly hug they call Winter over here. I like the efficient bus system, the art lattes, the ocean, the cars. I even like Kits. But, my affinity for Vancouver promptly ends when the automatic doors to the entrance of Safeway open. What is wrong with that grocery store, you ask? How could something as mundane as grocery shopping get our knickers in a twist? Imagine this. Imagine that first off, Safeway, a monopoly it sometimes seems on grocery availability in this town, does not sell your favorite products. It does not sell Memories of Szechwan Spicy Peanut Satay Sauce. It does not sell Lassy Mogs Soft Fruit & Nut Cookies. Nor does it sell New York-Style Pecan Streusel Caramel Apple Cheesecake or Blue Menu Thick & Juicy Chicken Burgers. Those of you who are particularly on the ball today will recognize that all these glorious food products are brought to grocery stores all across the country, by President's Choice - grocery stores except Safeway that is. Safeway doesn't sell PC products. They sell "Safeway Select". I won't describe my past experience with Safeway Select's Vegetarian Lasagna, but I will say that Select products just don't have that extra hug inside the box that PC products do. Select products barely give No Name a run for its money. And that's fine, I suppose. It's okay to sell second-rate brands. What isn't okay is to spawn grocery stores across the city, at all the most convenient locations to our house. It isn't okay to stash my beloved Great Canadian Superstores in Richmond and Burnaby, a good 70 minute bus hike from my home.

That's not all.

Safeway is perhaps the only grocery store where you wish things don't go on sale. That may sound odd to you, but consider the possible scenarios and then decide what you think. As far as I can see it, the worst thing that could possibly happen is that your favorite food goes on sale but is therefore out of stock. The second worst situation is when your food is there, and not on sale. Great would be if it was on sale and in stock. That never happens at Safeway. At Safeway, everything goes on sale, and nothing is ever in stock. So, when I have an uber-crucial ingredient list for late-evening scones, I cross my fingers that none of my ingredients are on sale. Last week, my probiotic vanilla yoghurt and my all-bran raspberry cereal were on sale, and out of stock. These are staples in my diet. Our marriage works when both are in hefty supply in our house. Needless to say, I'm a wreck without them. I'd rather they never go on sale, then have the uncertainty of not knowing if I'll be probiotic yogurtless because every Safeway in town has been bought-out of my favorite dairy delicacy.

Oddly, even things that are not on sale are frequently not in stock - last week, sunflower seeds. Sunflower seeds! How does a grocery store run out of something like that? Doesn't it come in various brands, various packaging? The bulk section (with the plastic bags and twist ties), the baking aisle, the snack aisle. Needless to say, we were shocked. On another occasion, it was bread crumbs (we resorted to smashing up a box of instant turkey stuffing with a rolling pin). On another, pie shells. And yet another, fondue fuel. So the last one is a bit obscure - given that though, you would think their shelf would be well stocked - after all, they do carry it. But alas, on the morning before our fondue night, it was waiting to be stocked.

If Jonathan and I return to Central Canada before the four years of my Ph.D. pursuit are up, you'll know why. That is really the best kept dirty-little-secret about Vancouver: it's not the rain that gets people down and depressed; its the unrivaled insensitivity of Safeway to the culinary aspirations, dietary needs, and frivolous cravings of its residents. I feel for all those expecting couples of the lower mainland...clearly the invisible hand (the one that lets soon-to-be fathers escape the wraith of their pregnant spouses by catering to the latter's complex, urgent, and hormonal hankerings) has failed in this city. Safeway should consider sponsoring the "pregnant women with unsatisfied cravings" charity of Vancouver.