Monday, April 14, 2008

Hockey: The Erotic Game?

It's spring time and what does that mean.?

-Tulips are poking out of the ground?
-Overweight men who make way to much money are trying to hit and catch a silly white ball in a stadium?
-Bears are waking up, ready to munch on unsuspecting hikers?

Nope, it's Stanley Cup playoff time. And what a great time of year it is.

It of course means hockey every night until the beginning of June. It also means checking scores first thing at work the next morning, reading blogs about how your favourite team destroyed or was destroyed the night before and what changes are needed for the next game, it means predicting who will win the first round, second round, third round of the playoffs and who ultimately will win the cup. It also means throwing (insert $ amount here) out the window in a futile attempt to win your playoff hockey pool.

I however, *cough* *cough*,do not fret over such worldly affairs. Rather, I like to reflect more deeply about hockey. In doing so, I have come to one realization this year. Hockey is a sexy, erotic game. People always refer to Football (read Soccer) as "The Beautiful Game". I think we should begin referring to hockey as "The Erotic Game".

Seriously, think about it before you dismiss my idea as foolish bored bureaucratic speak. How would you describe hockey?

I would describe it as such:

"Young, strong, virile young men gliding around a cold slippery surface trying to slide a small, smooth, cold, black disc into a net with long, curved, hard sticks. As they try to do this they use their strength to dominate one another by hitting each other into the boards. To work out their frustrations they might also engage in pugilistic behaviour. Ironically enough this violent behaviour is complemented by hardy butt tapping and hugs and embraces during a game, at the end of a game or at the end of a playoff series."

Does that not sound erotic, it might even sound sado-masochistic.

If you're not convinced, all you have to do is listen to Don Cherry, a god among men when it comes to hockey commentators. Even he, admits that Hockey is an erotic sport.

This evening, on Coaches Corner he was discussing how Marc Savard, a forward for the Boston Bruins likes to talk to his stick when he sits on the bench. Cherry is convinced that Savard says "I love you" to his stick every time he talks to it. Cherry goes on to beseech his young listeners to do the same thing and also "love their sticks". He tells them to "love your sticks and stroke them" and then, as a closing comment, he says: "Go get your sticks out of your dad's trunk, take them into your bedroom tonight, and love them - they are expensive pieces of equipment".

His sidekick Ron MacLean goes on to say "I'm going to go to bed with my Sher-wood tonight".

Seriously, honest to God, I kid you not this is what was said on Coaches Corner tonight. As soon as someone posts it on youtube I will give you the link.

So do you agree? Hockey is indeed "The Erotic Game".


Blogger Sima said...

You aren't the only one, my dear.

6:19 AM  

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