Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hockey: The Erotic Game Part II


As promised you can find Don Cherry's golden nuggets of wisdom shared with us on April 14th here.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Hockey: The Erotic Game?

It's spring time and what does that mean.?

-Tulips are poking out of the ground?
-Overweight men who make way to much money are trying to hit and catch a silly white ball in a stadium?
-Bears are waking up, ready to munch on unsuspecting hikers?

Nope, it's Stanley Cup playoff time. And what a great time of year it is.

It of course means hockey every night until the beginning of June. It also means checking scores first thing at work the next morning, reading blogs about how your favourite team destroyed or was destroyed the night before and what changes are needed for the next game, it means predicting who will win the first round, second round, third round of the playoffs and who ultimately will win the cup. It also means throwing (insert $ amount here) out the window in a futile attempt to win your playoff hockey pool.

I however, *cough* *cough*,do not fret over such worldly affairs. Rather, I like to reflect more deeply about hockey. In doing so, I have come to one realization this year. Hockey is a sexy, erotic game. People always refer to Football (read Soccer) as "The Beautiful Game". I think we should begin referring to hockey as "The Erotic Game".

Seriously, think about it before you dismiss my idea as foolish bored bureaucratic speak. How would you describe hockey?

I would describe it as such:

"Young, strong, virile young men gliding around a cold slippery surface trying to slide a small, smooth, cold, black disc into a net with long, curved, hard sticks. As they try to do this they use their strength to dominate one another by hitting each other into the boards. To work out their frustrations they might also engage in pugilistic behaviour. Ironically enough this violent behaviour is complemented by hardy butt tapping and hugs and embraces during a game, at the end of a game or at the end of a playoff series."

Does that not sound erotic, it might even sound sado-masochistic.

If you're not convinced, all you have to do is listen to Don Cherry, a god among men when it comes to hockey commentators. Even he, admits that Hockey is an erotic sport.

This evening, on Coaches Corner he was discussing how Marc Savard, a forward for the Boston Bruins likes to talk to his stick when he sits on the bench. Cherry is convinced that Savard says "I love you" to his stick every time he talks to it. Cherry goes on to beseech his young listeners to do the same thing and also "love their sticks". He tells them to "love your sticks and stroke them" and then, as a closing comment, he says: "Go get your sticks out of your dad's trunk, take them into your bedroom tonight, and love them - they are expensive pieces of equipment".

His sidekick Ron MacLean goes on to say "I'm going to go to bed with my Sher-wood tonight".

Seriously, honest to God, I kid you not this is what was said on Coaches Corner tonight. As soon as someone posts it on youtube I will give you the link.

So do you agree? Hockey is indeed "The Erotic Game".

Friday, April 11, 2008

Polley, Habs, Black Holes, and Rain

A couple minutes ago, Jonathan and I were spending a raining/hailing Friday afternoon reading newspaper articles online in our underground bachelor apartment. We haven't done that in a long time (Ottawa has had us crazy busy, plus rainy winter days don't really happen out here), and it was nice. We read about Sarah Polley's trek to Ottawa to plead with ministers and senators to vote down a new Conservative bill that would see power vested with the Heritage minister to deny tax credits to the producers of films deemed by the government as too racy. We read about Jim Flaherty's proposal for a new facility to serve the disabled community, a proposal which perfectly meets the very stringent requirements of a new ' $45 million dollar 'Enabling Accessibility fund' (one such requirement is having a five year lease already in place) announced 10 days ago by the government, which is accepting proposals for funding for just 30 days. Jim's proposed facility will be located in his riding, would feature his wife and his executive assistant on the board of directors, and has been in the works for some time now, with public blessings from the PM in 2007. Of course, the small window of opportunity to apply for the pot of money, and the fact that Jim's proposal meets the narrow requirements perfectly, are of course, unrelated.

What else? Right. An online comment from Michel Adams (Globe and Mail) on the leak of the 1991 videotape of derogatory comments about homosexuality from Tom Lukiwsky, was superb. Gist of his argument: There is a context to everything. Our society has come a long way. In 1987, nearly 70% of the members of the NDP thought that protecting the rights of gays in the Charter would lead to the spread of HIV. So let's be reasonable when we pass judgement on a 1991 video. Yes, Mr. Lukiwsky should be answerable and apologetic today for what he said back then. But let's leave it at that.

There was other stuff we read about, but I am now realizing that no-one is going to read this blog - this blog that has one of its more recent posting dating back two years - if I ramble on about politics. As I have learned from J-Pod, carnage is far more interesting.

So how is an update blog supposed to go? Jonathan and I are doing well. Work and school continue. The Habs are smoking Boston. Summer is on its way. Our return to Vancouver, imminent. Rants and bickerings continue, although not punctuated by postings for the masses. But who says we can't catch up? Bickerings in the last week included (allergy warning: while third person was not used in this post, this post may have come into contact with third person in its production):

Jonathan shouldn't run ahead to avoid getting splashed by a car passing through a puddle without politely notifying his wife who is left mid-sentence in a rant without anyone to listen to it.
Sima should stop leaving her socks balled up in the laundry bin because they don't get washed (or dried) properly that way and because it's not fun massaging the heels of dirty feet, however tired (and lovely) they may be.
Jonathan shouldn't leave his wife with two bags of dirty laundry to haul over to the K's while he only carries one from work, however out of shape she is and sedentary her graduate student lifestyle may be.
Sima should get up early more often and make coffee and breakfast for her husband, and walk him to work like other partners do, especially since he did that for her this morning on his day off of work for her early morning research interview.

Recollecting all of that, I am now spent. But I would just like to point out for those who might jump to conclusions that there was no plasma-screen trashing or cheap trophy throwing and Jonathan does not sleep on a bench at the end of the bed.

On the topic of ridiculousness, Emma has informed me that a group of scientists have (over many years) invested (many million dollars) into the creation of a machine that is supposed to discover the essence of matter (otherwise known as 'the god particle'), by mimicking the conditions of the universe less than a split second after the big bang. The plan is for it to be up and running this year, but a law suit may prevent the machine from operating. All because - get this: there is a risk (and what exactly that risk is, is the point of disagreement between those scientists suing and those scientists behind the project) that one of two things could happen.

1. A mini-black hole could be created, which could, could, slowly absorb the Earth (growing bigger with each absorbed particle).
2. A stranglet could be created, which would turn everything it comes into contact with into - get this - strange matter. If a stranglet came into contact with our planet, it would turn it into a lump of dead and useless matter.

Here are some reassurances, however. First, if a mini-black hole was created, it would likely (yes, LIKELY) evaporate due to Hawking Radiation (say the scientists behind the machine). Second, a stranglet is only an object hypothesized to exist by physicists. Since it may not actually exist, the risk of the Earth turning into strange matter may also not exist.

Sleep well Earthlings.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

We're baaaaaaaaaack.

I know, I know. We are not to be trusted. But with time, you'll see. It's different now. WE are different now.